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floridas-kilos:

Ultraviolence - Lana Del Rey
I was in the winter of my life – and the men I met along the road were my only summer. At night I fell asleep with visions of myself dancing and laughing and crying with them. Three years down the line of being on an endless world tour and my memories of them were the only things that sustained me, and my only real happy times. I was a singer, not a very popular one, who once had dreams of becoming a beautiful poet – but upon an unfortunate series of events saw those dreams dashed and divided like a million stars in the night sky that I wished on over and over again – sparkling and broken. But I didn’t really mind because I knew that it takes getting everything you ever wanted and then losing it to know what true freedom is.
When the people I used to know found out what I had been doing, how I had been living – they asked me why. But there’s no use in talking to people who have a home, they have no idea what it’s like to seek safety in other people, for home to be wherever you lie your head.
 
I was always an unusual girl, my mother told me I had a chameleon soul. No moral compass pointing due north, no fixed personality. Just an inner indecisiveness that was as wide and as wavering as the ocean. And if I said I didn’t plan for it to turn out this way I’d be lying – because I was born to be the other woman. I belonged to no one – who belonged to everyone, who had nothing – who wanted everything with a fire for every experience and an obsession for freedom that terrified me to the point that I couldn’t even talk about – and pushed me to a nomadic point of madness that both dazzled and dizzied me.
 
Every night I used to pray that I’d find my people – and finally I did – on the open road. We had nothing to lose, nothing to gain, nothing we desired anymore – except to make our lives into a work of art.
 
Live fast. Die young. Be wild. And have fun!
 
I believe in the country America used to be. I believe in the person I want to become. I believe in the freedom of the open road. And my motto is the same as ever *I believe in the kindness of strangers. And when I’m at war with myself … I Ride. I Just Ride.*
 
Who are you? Are you in touch with all of your darkest fantasies? Have you created a life for yourself where you’re free to experience them?I Have. I am Fucking Crazy.
 
But I Am Free.

 

Porque, cariño, yo te quiero lo suficiente como para querer que seas feliz, pero no tanto como para que el que te haga sonreír sea otro. Y es que si no te digo “ven” es porque quiero que vengas. Que si me callo, es porque lo que no te digo es “te quiero”. Y es que me voy como aquel que quiere que se lo impidan. Porque sé que la felicidad sólo depende de que te des cuenta de que pierdo todos los trenes en los que no te subes. Que te des cuenta de eso y me beses en el andén como cuando dos se reencuentran después de mucho orgullo de por medio. He soñado algunas noches contigo. Con nosotros. Yo voy y tú te quedas. Hablamos de cosas que ahora no recuerdo, y luego me miras, y nos callamos. Y es ese silencio que precede a los besos que parecen no terminar nunca. Pero no hay beso: despierto antes. Lo he soñado muchas veces, que encadenarme a tu cuerpo es también otra forma de ser libre. Pero sólo es un sueño. Y cuando suena la alarma y abro los ojos, también se abren algunas heridas, y empiezo a pensar que la peor distancia que me separa de ti es el miedo que le tengo a que algún día te alejes del todo. Y es que el no intentar las cosas evita que podamos fracasar, pero cuánto jode no saber si cuando piensas en mí también te quedas muy callada, como si esperases que algún beso te tomase la palabra. Como si esperases que alguno de mis besos te hiciese hablar. Y no sé entablar una conversación conmigo mismo, para decirme que te estoy perdiendo al no recordarte que te recuerdo cuando hace frío. Que las madrugadas sin ti parecen lienzos a los que alguien no les pintó un sentido. Y me cuesta olvidarlo algunas veces.
Sergio Carrión  (via hachedesilencio)

(Source: grumpychild, via hachedesilencio)

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